Your Cable Company Sucks

It’s that special time of day when Palladia (formerly MHD) plays music videos for a couple of hours. Now, I’m not going to bitch about how they’re they’ve been the same goddamn videos for almost a year now. No, I’m going to bitch about the big black banner.

“ALERT! ALERT! ALERT! Attention Time Warner Cable and Bright House Networks customers, starting tonight, you will lose this channel and 18 other channels from your TV including Nickelodeon, Noggin, MTV, VH1, Spike, Comedy Central and TV Land. Don’t miss out on your favorite shows. You can stop this! Time Warner Cable customers call 1-800… and DEMAND THEY KEEP THESE CHANNELS! MUST BE AT LEAST 18 YEARS OLD TO CALL.”

Now, by the grace of the almighty creator (Jesus, God, The Flying Spaghetti Monster, you choose), I had the good sense to subscribe to DirecTV over a decade ago, so none of this means a thing to me. However, my TV viewing smarminess has kicked me in the bandwidth balls, because my broadband choices in Milford are:
1) Comcast
and
2) Fucking myself

(Side note… there’s a video by some hick named Kellie Pickler that I’ve never noticed before. She looks like Tara Reid’s illegitimate half-sister from a nondescript trailer park. Country fans, while enjoying the shittiest music possible, are apparently not picky if you’re blonde and… no, just blonde.)

Anyway, I’m irritated by this banner, not only because it’s intrusive and doesn’t apply to me, but because it’s fucking ugly! Seriously. On your high-def music channel, you could have the decency to get your crawl moving smoothly. I’ve seen better graphics out of an Amiga running Video Toaster, for fuck’s sake.

I’m also mildly amused that Viacom urges you to “DEMAND” (yes, in caps) a damn thing from your cable company. As a Comcast subscriber, I’m accustomed to them ignoring my pleas and generally ignoring me or my willingness to point out anything wrong with their network. But I’m a former Time Warner customer (before I had DirecTV), and let me tell you, those people are actively hostile.

Time Warner would proactively turn off my cable, when I lived in Farmington Hills. Not because I hadn’t paid them, but because they thought I might not pay them. I’d drive to their office to pay my bill, and they had this strange customer holding tank, where it was impossible to come in to physical contact with an employee. I think if I DEMANDED anything from them, they’d demand I let one of their cable techs kick me in the teeth. And I’d probably have let him, because I wasn’t about to miss an episode of Oz.

I’m just sayin’, is all.